Bloodied Fragments
by nic73
Summary: This is set six months after Jane joins the CBI. After Jane oversteps the line once more Lisbon questions the wisdom of keeping him on as a Consultant. The broken man that they hired is gone and an arrogant obnoxious one has taken his place. But then they get their first Red John case since Jane joined them and Jane's mask shatters...Final chapter posted
1. Chapter 1

**Here is a taster of my new Mentalist Story. There will be flash backs to happenings within the first year. Although my stories surprise me as I go along I promise there will be no Jane pain beyond what happens in the series. Can't say the same about angst though. Hope you find this tasty. **

"Jane just leave me alone right now. I don't want to see your face until tomorrow."

"Woman what are you upset about?"

"You hypnotised a suspect Jane and now everything he has said will be thrown out. We have to release him."

"But he's guilty"

"It doesn't matter we have nothing to hold him on. If his lawyer finds out about this we will never be able to touch him again."

Jane looks around and everyone is staring at them

"Don't you think we should take this conversation inside your office."

"No because I don't want this conversation now. Go wherever it is you go when you leave here and don't come back today. Got it!"

Lisbon pushes past him and storms into her office slamming the door behind her. Jane puts his hands up in surrender.

"If anyone wants me I'm out for lunch."


	2. Chapter 2

_It was the third case that Jane worked on where Lisbon got her first indication of the trouble she had signed up for. A young man had been killed and she and Jane went to question his boss at his work place, a bank. The young man's name was Derek and he worked in the loan's department. His boss, Carl Dickson, was in his forties and but trying to look and act 25. Lisbon took an instant dislike to him and unfortunately so did Jane. Lisbon started the interview:_

_Mr. Dickson how long had Derek worked for you?"_

_"Please call me Carl, we don't stand on ceremony here."_

_Jane is slowly moving around the office, peering closely at everything as is his style, his hands are in his pockets. He is standing near Carl and turns which brings him uncomfortably close to Carl, who steps back_

_"No need, indeed. I made a rhyme there Lisbon."_

_Jane doesn't take his eyes off Carl and takes a step forward._

_"And how long did Derek work for you."_

_Carl steps back again but Jane moves with him, he hears Lisbon growl his name._

_"Erm...about 7 months"_

_"About? You're not sure?"_

_"Yes, I mean no. I guess it was 6 months, he came just after my birthday."_

_"Guessing again Carl, we don't want guesses, it may be important."_

_Carl looks past him at Lisbon_

_"It was 6 months"_

_He steps back again and is up against his desk. Jane follows._

_"Well I'm glad we got that sorted."_

_"Would you step back please you are in my space."_

_"Oh I'm sorry, my mistake I thought you said we didn't need to stand on ceremony here, was that just about names?"_

_Jane does not move._

_"Er yes, it was just about names."_

_"Well I'm glad that 's cleared up."_

_Jane still doesn't move._

_"Why didn't you like Derek."_

_"What I never said I didn't like Derek."_

_"Well not in so many words but standing this close to you I can smell it. You reek of it!_

_He reaches for a handkerchief from one of his many pocket and holds it too his nose._

_"Can you smell it Lisbon. I can hardly stand being around the guy."_

_"Outside now Jane. Wait in the car."_

_Jane stands his ground for a few seconds. Carl looks passed him to Lisbon. Jane turns around and leaves with a smirk towards Lisbon._

_Jane is leaning on the car looking out towards the street when Lisbon comes out of the bank. _

_"What on earth was that about Jane. You don't talk to witnesses like that."_

_"He isn't a witness, he's a suspect and I have determined he is not the murderer and saved you a lot of work."_

_"You did, did you. And how exactly did you being rude prove he is not the murderer?"_

_"He didn't hit me."_

_"He didn't hit you, if that's what you were after. You should have said I would have obliged myself."_

_Jane couldn't help a smile._

_"That would have been enlightening in a different way. I insulted him and crowded him and all he did was look to you. He's not man enough to kill someone."_

_"Not quite the evidence we need to strike him off the suspects list. An alibi usually does it."_

_"Does he have one?"_

_"No."_

_"So you can either waste your time questioning him and investigating him or whatever it is you do, or take my word for it. It's not my call."_

_"No it isn't and I don't want you behaving this way again when I am interviewing a witness.._

_"Er suspect"_

_"Whatever. _

_Jane salutes_

_"Whatever you say boss."_

_and gives her a dazzling smile. it catches Lisbon off guard, and she can't stop herself from smiling and ducks to hide it. She looks across at him as she gets into the car and knows that he saw it from the smug look on his face._

_"I mean it Jane, I won't take you along if you behave like that again."_

_Jane looks across at her, his smugness is gone and sadness is in his eyes._

_"I'm sorry. I promise I will try to be good."_

_There is silence the rest of the way back to headquarters. On their arrival Lisbon goes into her 'office' and Jane retreats to his couch. He studies the ceiling. His behaviour today shows him that he is beginning to feel comfortable here. This takes him by surprise. He came here to find out all they knew about Red John so he could start his own investigation. O__ne look at the files made him realise that finding Red John was not going to be easy_ and then they offered him a job and all of a sudden he didn't have to be alone, he could have all of the mighty CBI at his disposal. Plus it had been a buzz to work out the killer by the tarot cards and when Minnelli approached him, he only had to think about it for a second _. He never expected to like coming to work every day, but he is finding that the routine is good for him and helps give him focus, They are reasonable people. Take their responsibilities seriously, maybe a little too much for him._

_'I like Cho and his stoic ways, he is very good at making himself unreadable, not to me of course, but to amateurs he is a puzzle. I can see that Rigsby is an easy mark, it's a good job he carries a badge and a gun. Then there is Lisbon. I like her. She is a good boss with a quick wit. She surprised me today with the 'hit me' remark it was very clever. I think we could work well together, but her 'by the book' attitude could cause some problems...'_

_A smile crosses his face as he turns on his side to fall asleep_

_!...but I think I can win her over_


	3. Chapter 3

_Cho hears his name called by his Boss_

_"In my office now!"_

_Cho stares at Jane lying on the couch, who is showing unusual interest in his fingernails, he then turns and heads to the office. He enters through the door and looks around._

_"This is a nice place boss."_

_"Cho I haven't brought you in here to see how you like my new office. I was summoned by Minnelli who proceeded to tell me about a phone call he received from Robert Elles about Jane wandering around his house uninvited. and helping himself to a cup of tea. I don't have to tell you that Robert Elles is a very powerful man and that this behaviour is unacceptable. I put you in charge of Jane so I am holding you responsible. _

_"Now that's not fair Lisbon I am a grown man after all."_

_Lisbon jumped._

_"Jane this is a private conversation, now leave I will talk to you later."_

_"It's a private conversation about me and it's not like I took anything. Mind you I'm not surprised the man complained, he had that Mommy's boy look about him. _

_"Of course he complained people don't like it when strangers wander around their homes."_

_"It was such a lovely place, I couldn't resist."_

_"You were looking for decoration tips?"_

_"Yes, for your office."_

_"Jane there are rules that we as the police have to abide by..."_

_"I'm not police, I'm a consultant"_

_Lisbon rolls her eyes in frustration_

_"There are rules of common courtesy"_

_"Meh We are trying to catch a murderer, common courtesy doesn't count."_

_"Meh! don't you meh me. Was does that even mean."_

_Cho is beginning to feel like he is at a tennis match. He's not sure where this man gets off talking to their boss this way but he has things to do._

_"Boss is it alright if I get back to work."_

_Lisbon's eyes move from Jane to Cho:_

_"Er, Yes just keep a closer eye on him in the future."_

_Cho gets up and Jane catches his eye with a faint nod of his head as Cho closes the door behind him he wonders what they have let themselves in for having this man on their team. His insights have been spot on, even though they seem to come from midair. Jane's mind seems to work on a different plane, he sees and interprets information at an alarming speed. He has no respect for rules and in an enviroment bogged down with rules I can see the advantage. At the interview today Robert Elles was being unco-operative and obnoxious, another one who thinks that rules don't apply to him because he has money and power. I saw Jane slip away and was quite happy to keep the man distracted while Jane did whatever he was doing. It took a good 10 mins for Elles to realise that he was missing and then Jane strolls back in with a cup of tea in his hand saying:_

_'I hope you don't mind I helped myself. I missed my morning cup having to visit a murder scene, such a grizzley way to start a day, don't you think. This is delicious'_

_I thought I was going to have to restrain Elles from attacking Jane he was furious. Jane saw it too._

_'Oh I guess you do mind. We better go Cho'_

_He drains the last of his tea and hands the Elles his cup._

_'Thank you it hit the spot. By the way you have a lovely place here._

_He flashes him a smile and we leave._

_"So what were you doing in there Jane, you don't go wandering around a house uninvited"_

_"A little more conviction and I might have believed you Cho. I was looking for evidence of murder of course"_

_"Did you find any?"_

_"No which was very disappointing but I did find some cuff links hidden in a drawer with a rather saucy note, that obviously were not from his wife. Robert Elles was having an affair. Not sure how he is going to explain how they got into his wife's make up drawer though."_

_Cho allows himself a slight smile. Yes work is definitely more interesting. _

Lisbon has been staring at her computer for half an hour, willing herself to calm down but to no avail. That man has done some stupid things , disregarded rules of conduct, evidence, propriety but this one is is is is UNBELIEVABLE! The Patrick Jane that entered the bull pen a 6 months ago, who was forgiving, contrite and helpful has completely disappeared and an egomaniac has emerged and there is no place for him at the CBI. She moves to the glass wall and looks out at the bullpen, she closes her eyes and takes deep breaths.

_"Meh! don't you meh me. Was does that even mean."_

_"Mah Kunna matata"_

_"Mah kunna matata? "_

_"__ Have you not watched Lion King? _No worries, relax, close your eyes, take deep breaths Lisbon." 

_Jane voice is getting low and silky. Lisbon opens eyes which she didn't even realise she had closed and starts when she finds Jane up close to her._

_"Now how about some ice-cream I know where we can share a delicious sundae."_

_"I don't want ice-cream I have work to do."_

_"Yes you do, you just don't think you have time. There is always time for ice-cream." Jane opens the door and holds it for her. C'mon I will let you have the wafer."_

_Lisbon stands stubbornly but knows she is going to give in. She grabs her jacket and her bag. _

_"Just a small one"_

_"Whatever you say Lisbon. Your wish is my command."_

_He is rewarded with a grunt. Jane smiles._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's notes: Thanks to Mossi, Ag , ngocquevt, ljp42, Pellegrina for your reviews, always a joy to receive. Thanks for the follows and favs.**

** I hope you enjoy this chapter. I know it seems a little disjointed as I lay the foundation before the start of a Red John case and Jane's unraveling. **

_Rigsby spies Jane on the couch._

_"Hey Jane is it true you can do card tricks?"_

_Jane opens his eyes and looks up at Rigsby._

_"Well, er yes, some one taught me some a long time ago. I never really got the hang of them."_

_"I was in the park yesterday and a guy was doing card tricks, he was amazing!"_

_"How much did you lose?"_

_Rigsby is not going to admit to how much but sees an opportunity to win some back._

_"Just some. Hey how about giving me a chance to win some back?"_

_Jane sits up and looks at him thoughtfully_

_"Oh I don't know I am very scratchy, and card tricks are something you really need to keep practicing to stay good at them."_

_Rigsby raises his eyebrows and looks across at Cho before turning back to Jane._

_"Okay, if you're too chicken."_

_"No just busy"_

_"Busy doing what?"_

_Jane gives a big sigh._

_"Okay there is one I remember. It's quite difficult but I'll give it ago."_

_Rigsby smiles_

_"Great. If you get it right I give you five dollars but if you are wrong I win five dollars."_

_Jane rolls his eyes_

_"Five dollars, that isn't worth getting off the couch for. Now whose being chicken.50 dollars"_

_Rigsby is beginning to regret he started this but swallows and agrees._

_"How about you Cho"_

_Cho doesn't look up_

_"Not interested"_

_"Okay"_

_Jane produces a deck of cards from one of his pockets. He opens them and shuffles them on Rigsby's desk in a variety of ways at a speed that has Rigsby's head spinning and turning green. He then spans them on the table._

_"Pick a card, but don't let me see it."_

_Rigsby does as he's told. Jane takes the card and puts it back on the table and then shuffles again, his hands moving quicker than Rigsby can keep up with. Cho has stopped to watch with a smirk on his face._

_"Here you shuffle them now"_

_Jane hands them to Rigsby who shuffles awkwardly and then Jane takes them back and spreads them out as before._

_"Now Rigsby think of your card. I am going to try and read your mind and then with the power of concentration transfer that down to my hand which will then pick out the card. Jane stares intently at Rigsby. He touches his head with his left hand and then runs a finger down his right arm to his hand. His hand moves slowly along the line of cards. He stops in the middle._

_"It's somewhere along here I think."_

_He hovers and then moves a card out of the pack._

_"Rigsby pick up the card and tell me if it is yours."_

_Rigsby picks up the 10 of spades._

_"How did you do that."_

_"Aha. It's the power of the mind Rigsby."_

_Jane holds out his hand and Rigsby takes the money from his wallet and places it into Jane's hand. Jane kisses it and then announces._

_"Dinner on Rigsby anyone.?"_

_Jane is in his motel room laying on his bed. His hands are behind his head and he looks up at the ceiling. _

_"It has been a bad day today Angela. A child was murdered. Only a year older than our darling Charlotte. He was found abandoned on a piece of wasteland. I don't think I will ever understand what drives someone to hurt a child. I got the call at 6am and everyone was there when I arrived. I could tell from their faces that it was a bad one. As I drew closer to the crime scene and saw the size of the body it took all my willpower to keep my feet going forward. My whole body was telling me to get as far away as possible. I concentrated on slowing my breathing I didn't want anyone else to see the stress I was feeling, I didn't want their pity. Lisbon intercepted my march and told me it was a child and was I sure I would be alright. The sympathy in her eyes almost broke me. I looked away and said I was fine. I must have been convincing as she let me pass. I walked over to the boy, his still body laying in a puddle, the despicable man couldn't even leave him somewhere dry. Images flashed across my mind and I squeezed my hands inside my pockets hard, my fingers pressing in to my skin. Anger flowed through me and I knew that I have to find the man responsible. I concentrated on that anger allowing it to replace all other feelings and with that i was able to get down on my knees and search closely for any indications about who the boy was and who had killed him. I made a silent promise to the boy that I would find the man who had done this to him. _

_I thought I was going to give myself away but my control is even greater than I thought. I have been able to paper over the cracks. My gullible CBI team see me as a joker, trickster. obnoxious, egotistical, I don't care about rules, I will say and do anything to get the better of the killer. I hate guns, violence of any kind, But in my heart I seek revenge, blood and death. I carry the picture of you and Charlottes violated bodies in my mind, the smell of your blood. I will never forget Angela. I will find the man who killed the young boy and he will go to jail but I promise you that when I find Red John and I will find him. I will watch him take his last painful, tortured breath. _

_I love you Angela, kiss Charlotte for me._

_Jane turns over and finds peaceful sleep for a couple of hours. _


	5. Chapter 5

_Rigsby pulls open the door to Lisbon's office_

_"Boss you need to come to interview room 1"_

_When Lisbon enters Jane is on the floor holding his face, a man is handcuffed to the table and Cho is looking furious._

_"What happened here? Jane are you alright?"_

_Jane peaks through his fingers_

_"I'm fine Lisbon, just a little misunderstanding."_

_Lisbon turns to Cho,_

_"Cho, explanation."_

_"Mr. Evans punched Jane in the face."_

_"How did you let that happen?"_

_Mr. Evans rattles his handcuffs in frustration_

_"Let me out of these, I was provoked and you know I was."_

_He nods his head towards Cho._

_Mr. Evans you assaulted Mr. Jane so you will have to stay where you are. Jane and Cho in my office._

_She turns and leaves, Cho follows. Jane mutters_

_"Thanks for the hand up, I guess I'll just do it myself."_

_He stands up with exaggerated difficulty and gives Evans a wide berth on his way out the door._

_"What happened Kimball?"_

_"Jane came in and grabbed Evan's wrist and asked him if he liked men and Evans punched him. I had no chance to stop it."_

_"What was Jane even doing in an interview room, he knows he's only suppose to observe and where is he!"_

_Jane enters holding a bag of ice up to his eye._

_"Take your time."_

_"Hey you guys just left me alone with a madman and then I had to look after myself."_

_"I figured even you could manage to avoid a man handcuffed to a desk to make it safely out of the room"_

_Jane shrugs_

_"Fair point, but still, I'm injured he could have seriously damaged my eye."_

_"The way Cho was looking at you I thought it was best to get you out of his sight before he punched you himself."_

_Jane looks towards Cho who is staring at him._

_"Another fair point."_

_"What were you doing interrupting my interrogation like that. Don't you ever do that again."_

_Jane waves his hand_

_"I was doing you a favour."_

_Cho takes a step towards him, Jane stands his ground._

_"You have to admit you weren't getting anything out of Evans, he was lying through his teeth and being smug about it as he knows we didn't have anything to hold him on. Well now you have something to hold him on...and you're welcome."_

_Jane turns and walks out of the office._

_There is silence in the vehicle as it speeds through the streets of Sacramento. Rigsby is driving while Lisbon has her phone on speaker. She received a call just a few minutes ago._

_"Jane, where are you?"_

_"I'm at Leyman's house."_

_"Why?"_

_"I'm trying to catch a murderer."_

_"Mr. Layman is the murderer?"_

_"Yes and he is about to admit it, so get yourself over here and keep your phone open."_

_"Jane if he is the murderer you need to get out of there." _

_"I'll be fine just get over here."_

_Lisbon hears a voice in the background and she can just make out what it says:_

_"Put your hands up Mr. Jane."_

_Jane's whisper comes across the phone'_

_"Sounds like he has a gun, hurry Lisbon."_

_Lisbon rushes in to the bullpen calling Rigsby and Cho while holding her phone to her ear._

_"Mr. Layman frisking isn't necessary, I'm unarmed."_

_"I'm not going to take your word for it. Now move."_

_"Erm I'm not sure I like where we are going, basements are such creepy places."_

_"Don't worry about it, you're won't be in there long."_

_"Is this where you killed your colleague?"_

_"You ask too many questions Mr. Jane, it's not good for you, Marion found out the hard way too."_

_"It's my job to ask questions, could I ask you one more, a dying man's last request so to speak."_

_"Sit down"_

_Clicks are heard_

_"Ow, do the handcuffs have to be so tight! Why did you need the money?"_

_"I didn't need it, I wanted it. I saw all these people having anything they wanted and I wanted some, I figured they had so much they weren't going to miss it."_

_"How did Marion find out?"_

_"She saw me with some files I shouldn't have had and never let it go, she just kept asking me about them and then she threatened to go to the boss. How did you know I did it?"_

_"I saw it in your eyes."_

_"In my eyes! That's all you've got!"_

_Jane shrugs_

_"Well a couple of other things but nothing concrete, but I do like to know that I am right and I figured I could bluff my way into making you reveal yourself, and it worked."_

_"Congratulations Mr. Jane but a slight flaw in your plan has you down here with a gun to your head."_

_"It would seem that way, but you're not going to shoot me."_

_"I'm not?"_

_"No you're not."_

_"Step away from Mr Jane and put the gun down Mr. Layman."_

_"I will shoot him Agent, Put your gun down."_

_"You are surrounded Mr. Layman and right now I could shoot Mr Jane myself. So don't do anything stupid and put the gun down."_

_Layman moves the gun away from Jane's head and slowly puts it on the floor. Cho and Rigsby take him under arrest and She gives them some instructions and then turns to Jane who is still handcuffed to the chair. Jane rattles the handcuffs. Lisbon advances on him._

_"oh o"_

_"That is the most stupidest thing you have ever done. What if he had shot you straight away?"_

_"Meh he wasn't going to do that, he is too particular, he wouldn't want the blood on the carpet."_

_"There you go with the 'meh' again. I really could just shoot you."_

_"Idle threat Lisbon it would cause too much paperwork and hassle and besides it would go against your good Catholic upbringing."_

_"I think I could get extenuating circumstances and I'm certain I would be saving myself a lot more paperwork and hassle."_

_She removes the handcuffs and looks at her consultant once again and relief washes over her._

_"What were you thinking Jane."_

_"I was getting a killer."_

_"You don't do that by putting yourself or others in danger."_

_"I was ninety percent sure that you would get here in time, so I don't consider that as danger."_

_"It was irresponsible Jane, you have a death wish or something?"_

_Lisbon can see Jane through the office blinds laying on his couch. When she first met Jane she recognised a man who was struggling to get through each day since the death of his family. He was beginning to fixate his energies on Red John. She agreed to Minnelli suggestion to take him on as she thought it would be a good distraction for him, give him a purpose to help him heal. Plus he had remarkable abilities that he had already shown would be very useful to her team. Now she was wondering if she had made a mistake. Sure they were closing more cases but at what cost. He seems more reckless everyday. He throws aside all rules and protocols when they get in his way. He feels he can say and do what he likes, that the ends justifies the means. His ego rises with each closed case. He put himself in harms way today how long before he risks the life of a member of the team._

_Jane is staring up at the ceiling thinking about what Lisbon said. 'Do I have a death wish' If she was asking do I want to live each day with out my family and with the knowledge that it was my fault that they are dead. That my arrogance caused Red John to slice through the my wife and child. Do I want to live with the pictures in my head of their bodies and blood and the smiley face. Yes I have a purpose to catch Red John, to make him suffer, to watch his blood flow, to draw a final smiley face...but sometimes it doesn't feel enough..._

**Author's notes: Next time we will be dealing with the present.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A reminder of what happened in the first chapter before I started all the flashbacks:**

"Jane just leave me alone right now. I don't want to see your face until tomorrow."

"Woman what are you upset about?"

"You hypnotised a suspect Jane and now everything he has said will be thrown out. We have to release him."

"But he's guilty"

"It doesn't matter we have nothing to hold him on. If his lawyer finds out about this we will never be able to touch him again."

Jane looks around and everyone is staring at them

"Don't you think we should take this conversation inside your office."

"No because I don't want this conversation now. Go wherever it is you go when you leave here and don't come back today. Got it!"

Lisbon pushes past him and storms into her office slamming the door behind her. Jane puts his hands up in surrender.

"If anyone wants me I'm out for lunch."

Cho has seen their number one suspect out the building, everyone heaved a great sigh of relief when it appeared he had no idea what Jane had done to him. Now they were discussing where they go from here. There was no denying that Jane had squeezed some great information from him but they couldn't use it without having a firm foundation first, so there would be no suspicion as how they really came in to possession of it.

"Hi Guys what's going on"

Lisbon closes her eyes, of course he is back! She takes a deep breath and turns towards him:

"I thought I told you not to come back today."

"I know, but I thought that once you calmed down you would change your mind, plus I have a plan."

Lisbon looks at him incredulously

"Really? You have a plan?"

Jane smiles and nods:

"Yes and you will love it Lisbon, it is so simple it is beautiful."

Lisbon turns back to her agents:

"Cho you follow up the affair angle and Rigsby talk to the IT geeks and see if they can dig further into his financials, but don't give them a heads up as to what they are looking for."

Jane rubs his hands together with delight

"Cho I suspect that it is someone much younger than him, he is definitely dressing out of his age bracket. Rigsby take Olive Trent a Three Musketeer bar and she will do anything for you. But be back here in an hour."

Rigsby looks towards Lisbon for confirmation.

"Just take as long as it takes."

"One hour Rigsby"

Lisbon turns on Jane:

"You've already put it in motion haven't you?"

Jane gives his sheepish look:

"Well, yes, but I promise you, you are going to love it."

"In my office Jane"

Lisbon leaves and Jane shrugs at his colleagues and mouths 'one hour' to Rigsby. Rigsby gives a look at the retreating Lisbon and leaves bewildered as to what he should do. Jane takes out his phone and is making a call as he follows Lisbon into her office.

"I want a dozen long stem roses sent to the same address as the balloon bouquet I ordered this morning and on the card write ' For the weekend, it was magical. all my love JJ' and then a kiss...and that will be delivered in two hours?...Thank you."

Jane closes his phone, he looks up to find Lisbon looking daggers at him.

"Jane call and cancel that order, I don't care what your plan is we're not doing it. You have already given us a mess, I don't need another one. We have to tread carefully with the information that your hypnotism gave us. We have to find it another way without being obvious that we already knew."

"I'm sure that you can manage it. This plan has nothing to do with what he told me, I'm not using anything more than I deduced from looking at him."

"Then why did you hypnotize him?"

"I knew he was hiding something and he just wasn't telling me."

"So you risked our entire investigation to have your curiosity satisfied."

"Well.. I wouldn't quite put it that way."

"Jane this is serious what you have done, it's not just irritating someone, it's illegal without the person's permission."

"Don't worry about it, everything will be alright, now we need to get going and I will tell you my plan on the way."

"I'm not going anywhere, we're not doing your plan."

"You want to catch the guy don't you."

"I do want to catch him but I want to do it right. This is probably my fault, I have been too lenient with you, but it's got to stop."

"Lisbon, we make a good team."

"That's what I thought but not when a member goes behind the team's back all the time."

"I always tell you what's going on."

"After Jane, like now I told you to go home and instead you start a plan in motion. You don't show me any respect."

Jane looks shocked

"Really Lisbon that's how you feel. I do respect you."

"Then show it Jane, stop going off on these half cocked plans without discussing it first."

"I'm offended, they are not half cocked, they are seriously thought out plans and I don't tell you because you would say no."

Jane smiles sheepishly

"I'm the boss Jane it is my job to make the decision not yours. Call this plan off."

Jane shrugs

"Okay"

"I mean it"

He holds his hands out palms up submissively

"I know, plan canceled"

He goes in to his jacket pocket and takes out his phone. He shakes it about his head as he walks out the door:

"See canceled."

Later Lisbon walks in to the bullpen to discover what success Rigsby and Cho have had.

"Rigsby not back yet?"

"He came back an hour ago and then him and Jane left."

"I'll kill him! Come on Cho."

They pull up in front of the suspects house just as Rigsby is leading him out in handcuffs. Jane is following behind and waves when he sees them.

"He confessed Lisbon, his wife is a witness - a very willing one at that. And we have the murder weapon"

Lisbon turns around and gets back in the car:

"Let's go back Cho."

Jane enters Lisbon's office carrying a mug of steaming coffee and a pastry.

"Lisbon I know I was suppose to cancel the plan, and I was going to, but Rigsby came back with golden evidence and the opportunity couldn't be wasted."

"So you went behind my back"

Jane had the decency to look uncomfortable.

"It won't happen again. I promise."

Lisbon sighs:

"Whatever you say Jane."

Jane puts one hand in his pocket and starts to draw circles with the middle finger of his other hand on Lisbon's desk.

"I need to take tomorrow off."

Lisbon doesn't look up.

"Fine please do."

"Thanks and I am sorry."

Lisbon doesn't look up until he has left the room. She picks up her phone.

"Cheryl I need to see Minnelli...Okay, when he gets back in a couple of days then."

She hangs up. If she's lucky perhaps Jane will stay away until she has talked to Minnelli about letting him go, then he can't persuade otherwise.


	7. Chapter 7

Minnelli opens his front door and lets his visitor in. They go in to the living room where he invites his visitor to sit down and then proceeds in to the kitchen to finish making their drinks. When he returns his visitor is out of his seat looking at the family pictures that are hung on the wall over the feature fireplace. He is looking so intently he doesn't seem to hear Minnelli's entrance but turns when Minnelli clears his throat.

"I hope that it is to your pleasing, I have heard that you are very particular about your drink."

The visitor takes the cup:

"I'm sure it will be lovely."

Instead of sitting down he continues to scour the room, leaving Minnelli with no option but to remain standing. Finally he faces Minnelli

"You have some nice things. You're wife picked them out I'm guessing."

"Yes she did. Now why are you interrupting my day off Jane."

"I was talking to your secretary yesterday and she says that you were grumpier than normal.."

"I'm not grumpy"

Jane flashes a 'your kidding right?' smile

"It seems you have lost something and so I thought I would come and find it for you."

"What have you done?"

"What do you mean? I was in the neighbourhood and so I thought I would help."

"What do you want from me?"

Jane shrugs

"I don't want anything from you, if you don't want my help I'll be going."

He hands Minnelli his cup:

"The tea was lovely."

Minnelli sighs:

"Since you're here you may as well try."

The door closes behind Jane and he walks down the sidewalk to his car. He allows himself some satisfaction, that the little demonstration of his talents should keep Minnelli on his side. Unfortunately he knows it will take something more imaginative to get back in to Lisbon's good graces. She is much more of a challenge to his charms. His satisfaction disappears as the reality of this day seeps into his conscious once more. Not for the first time he is wondering about the wisdom of taking this day off. Minnelli has been a welcome distraction from the memories that fill his mind.

He had driven down to Malibu after leaving the CBI the night before. His confrontation with Lisbon had at first occupied his thoughts. If he was one for reflection he might conclude that the frustration of not being any nearer to catching Red John than he was when he first joined the CBI, the monster had not even raised his ugly head, had caused him to be extra zealous in closing the latest case. During Cho's interview the perp had been so smug thinking that he was getting away with murder as he lied his way through the interview, Jane knew he had to bring him down a peg or two. This was one victim that was going to get justice and he only had that day to do it. Sure he upset some people along the way, but the guy was behind bars. He was sorry that one of the people he had upset was Teresa Lisbon. It had hurt when she said he didn't respect her, he does. He enjoys the working relationship they are beginning to develop, he is in no doubt he would not still be at the CBI if it had not been for her. She has shown him understanding as he has found his feet. He is certain that they will find a working balance as she learns to trust him more. It is hard to accept the conclusions he comes to when they can't see what he sees. It has surprised him how much he uses his skills in this detective work - he just wishes it wasn't so depressing. He realises that is what Lisbon is a green shining light through the murky world of murder.

As the wheels spin relentlessly on towards Malibu, Jane's thoughts become darker, his stomach twists and his grip tightens on the steering wheel. This is the first time he has been back since going into the hospital, the few belongings he needed he paid a man to get them for him. Dread over takes him and he knows he should just turn the car around but he continues inexplicably on to the place where everything light in his life has been taken away and what is left behind is darkness, despair and revenge. If feels though, that this is where he has to be at this time. When he opens the door the stillness hits him like a ton of bricks and he has to catch his breath. Everything as a layer of dust coating it. He walks around the rooms not touching anything, but memories are battering him at every turn. Pushing Charlotte on her bike, sharing an evening drink with Angela on the couch after Charlotte is in bed. Looking through the slats of the deck with Charlotte and counting the fish that go by.

His feet turn towards the stairs and he makes his way up. His plodding feet is such a contrast to the eagerness with which he climbed the stairs looking forward to sharing the bed with his wife and hoping she was not thinking of sleep, when in fact she was in endless sleep, never to throw her head back when she laughs,never to look better in his shirts than he ever could, never to whisper secrets in his ear, never to mould herself to him as they sleep, never to wake him up with teasing kisses on his face. He only lasts two hours in the house and if he is ever to return again he needs to get rid of everything. Clutched in his hand are the required phone numbers he needs to accomplish that, but not today. It is today, the clocks hands have turned. He starts back to Sacramento, back to the life he is reshaping for himself, back to his revenge, back to Teresa Lisbon, back to Red John, but he knows he will be back again, this is his memories, his penance, inspiration.

He turns the ignition and heads for the restaurant he booked in readiness.

Lisbon and Rigsby pull up at the crime scene. There is the usual gawkers, police cars with their flashing lights, yellow tape. The crime techs are already on scene, Cho comes striding towards them.

"The victim is Angela Poulson, she is a 32yr old corporate lawyer. Her husband found her when he came home after being away for a two day conference in San Francisco. He expected her to be at work, He last spoke to her last night before he went to bed at 11:15 pm...and boss...you need to get Jane this was found pinned to the victim."

Lisbon looks down at the sheet of notepaper inside an evidence bag. She reads it as she is entering the bedroom:

"What the?"

She looks up from the note and a red smiley face is staring back at her.

"Oh crap!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors notes: Thank you to Mossib, Anna and Pellegrina for their kind reviews to chapter 7. Here I attempt Jane's first view of a Red John scene after the death of his wife and child. Hopefully I have got it right.**

Jane looks at his phone and Lisbon's name is on the display. He smiles to himself and presses answer:

"Hi Lisbon, missing me already?"

Lisbon looks up to the heavens:

"Jane I'm at a crime scene and you need to come."

Jane detects an edge in her tone:

"There's something wrong Lisbon, what is it?"

"Of course there's something wrong, there's been a murder."

"No. There's more to it than that."

"We just need you on this one. Cho is texting you the address, see you when you get here."

Lisbon hangs up before he can ask anymore questions, she doesn't want to do it over the phone.

Jane reads the address and thoughtfully puts away his phone. There is definitely something going on with this murder, He definitely detected fear in Lisbon's voice and he can't remember every seeing fear in Lisbon before.

He pulls up at the crime scene and Lisbon is heading towards his car. He climbs out and locks it:

"What's the deal Lisbon?"

He puts his hands in his jacket pockets and starts walking towards her. As they meet she grabs his arm and moves him back to his car.

"Jane the victim's name is Angela Poulson and it's Red John."

Jane whitens:

Angela was my wife's name."

"I know"

"This is not a coincidence, it is a year today that he killed my family."

He looks pleadingly at Lisbon:

"There..there isn't a child is there?"

"No Jane, no child. And you're right it isn't a coincidence, there was a note."

"A note?"

"For you."

Jane holds out his hand:

"Let me see it."

"Jane..."

Jane can see the concern written all over her face and interrupts her.

"Don't worry about me Lisbon, he has already done his worst and I'm still here."

She hands him the note. Jane instinctively takes a deep breath, he looks to Lisbon and then down at the note.

_Mr. Jane, how fun having you working with the CBI. Is that so you can catch me? It is an unexpected pleasure. It took me a while to decide on the perfect gift for you in return. I hope you like it and on this special day that binds us forever. Mr. Jane I confess you have me as giddy as a school girl. Let the games begin - heads I win!_

Jane's face has been unreadable to Lisbon as he read the note. When finished he closes his eyes for a few moments.

"Jane?"

"I have to see."

Jane strides towards the crime scene with a purposefulness he doesn't feel. This is the first Red John scene he has attended since his own. But this one is for him too - the perfect gift! He feels his stomach tighten as he approaches the room and the familiar smell reaches his nostrils. He had spent the afternoon reliving memories of his living family, he had suppressed images of their savaged bodies as they fought to resurface but now, here he was, being forced to relive his horror,. Red John is playing him like a puppet and he must not give him the satisfaction. At the doorway the Red motif mocks him, he discovers that expecting it still does not prepare him and he is back in his own home, standing in his own doorway. He steels himself, empties his mind and crosses the threshold. The room is empty of everyone but the dead, probably on the order of Lisbon, he can sense her behind him standing guard in the doorway, no, a safety net, ready to cast herself overboard should he start drowning. He turns slightly and gives her an 'I'm okay really' smile. There will be no broken Jane, his benefactor will be disappointed tonight.

He forces himself to take his time, walking slowly around the room. He opens the wardrobe, it wasn't jammed packed with clothes but they were of good quality with staple pieces. She had a style that she has worked on through the years. He opened the drawers of the dresser avoiding the photographs that are placed on top, He examines the contents like they contain the answers to the universe. The scarves held within the third drawer show that she had a frivolous side and enjoyed splashes of colour in her life. He knew exactly the style of her wedding dress, the way she had styled her hair, the colour of her bridesmaid dresses. But none of that is going to prepare him for looking into the face of the life Red John has extinguished on a whim, as part of a game.

He knew she would be beautiful, they always were. Her hair blonde, her eyes shining with the glow of love with a hint of mischievousness dancing around the edges. Her husband looking for all the world like the cat who got the cream. 'Hey world look who is marrying me!' He knows he is going to have to look that man in the eyes, now filled with pain, a man diminished by grief. On the bedside table resides a book ' A Tale of Two Cities' it is well thumbed, confirming his summation that she was not a great romantic.

Finally his eyes rest on the plastic sheet, tinged red where it has come into contact with her blood. His breathing quickens but he takes slow, deliberate movements. He picks up the corner of the sheet, the warmth of the sheet awakens him to the knowledge that his hands are cold. Should he pull it back slow, delaying the uncovering of each slice that Red John has inflicted, or uncover quickly. His body decides for him as if it knows that slow is all his mind can manage.

He avoids the face, he will leave that last. His eyes begin the journey through Red John sadism. The cuts made with precision and pleasure. No frenzied haste, Red John takes his time and relishes in the suffering of his victims. Jane realises that Red John would approve of his slow appraisal. He feels sick, he steps back. lets the covering drop and doubles over. He feels Lisbon at his side, holding his arm and rubbing his back.

"Jane come on let's get you out of here."


	9. Chapter 9

Lisbon is watching Jane from the doorway, making sure he is left alone and making sure he is alright. When she had read the note from Red John she had realised the significance of the date. The image of the Patrick Jane she had first met filled her mind. A man still struggling with grief, seemingly unable to look after himself properly. She recognised in him his desperation to have something to hold on to and that something was Red John. She thought the job was the answer to deflect him and it seems to have been successful, maybe too successful as he has stormed his way through witnesses, interviews and protocol without any regard to anyone's feelings. But she had seen that moment of panic when he thought that there may have been a child victim and realised that the broken Jane may not be that far away.

The first confirmation she receives that maybe things are not as normal, is when he doesn't head straight to the victim. Usually if the technicians have gone the body is the first thing he looks at after an initial quick sweep of the surroundings, but his time he opens a wardrobe door - what is he looking for in there? She notices the effort to not look at the photos and she knows that she is right, this is difficult for Jane. After a thorough investigation of the drawers he finally rests his gaze on the photographs, his face is impassive but he doesn't pick one up and take a closer look, his hands stays resolutely by his side, but not motionless a slight tremor betrays him. He moves towards the bed, she wants to go to his side and tell him that he doesn't need to do this, but that isn't the truth because he does, for the victim, for the case and for himself. His face is hidden to her as he lifts up the sheet and his eyes slowly follow the cut marks made by the serial killer. She has always known Red John as an evil monster but this takes his terror to new heights. He took everything that Patrick Jane had in his life and yet it is not enough, dread fills her at the thought that Patrick Jane is not only Red John's celebrity victim, his enemy, his public lesson, but also he has become his toy. Suddenly he recoils and he doubles over. Lisbon rushes to his side and takes his arm. She tries to comfort him by rubbing his back and suggest that they leave.

"No, NO!"

He shakes Lisbon off, startled she almost loses her balance, but manages to keep her feet. It seems to go unnoticed by Jane locked in his own horror.

"I have to finish, Lisbon, I have to see everything. She has been killed because of me, I owe them that."

"You don't have to see everything, this is enough."

Jane looks at her and Lisbon almost gasps at the torment within, he is being torn apart. Jane begins to speak but so softly Lisbon almost has to stop breathing to hear.

"When I found my wife and daughter, I couldn't call the police straight away, I had been to crime scenes, I knew what would happen. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at them. I needed to know what they had gone through. I stored every cut into my memory , they were killed to teach me a lesson. I made sure that I understood every moment of that lesson, they had experienced unimaginable fear, pain and horror and I was going to relive it every day for the rest of my life."

Lisbon can't help but reach out to him:

"Jane..."

He steps back.

"That is how I know that Red John has duplicated every cut, the same place, same direction, same size, the only difference is that he used an adult as his victim instead of my child."

He steps towards the victim and lifts up the plastic sheet, he points:

"You see that cut there, the curve is facing in the opposite direction, he used his left hand, the only victim, until now, that has that cut was my daughter."

Lisbon feels sick herself, she watches Jane finish his inspection of the body and gently lay back the cloth.

"He hasn't painted her toenails, which he did with my family, I guess he wanted to keep somethings unique."

"Let's get out of here Jane"

"Just give me a minute"

She nods and moves to the doorway. Jane closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. He opens them and stops a moment before moving towards the photographs once more, he reaches out to the back of the dresser and seems to be trying to grasp something.

"What is it Jane?"

"I can just see the corner of something sticking up, could be another photograph."

"Stop Jane let's get forensics in here."

Jane quickly takes back his arm and looks at Lisbon sheepishly:

"Sorry"

Lisbon shouts:

"We need forensics"

A woman dressed in white paper overalls and latex gloves enters. Jane points to behind the dresser:

"There is something sticking up at the back."

Jane stands back while Lisbon who has pulled some gloves out of her pocket and put them on, helps move the dresser, the photograph falls to the floor, it has obviously been torn in half. , It has landed picture side down, and she pick it up by its corner. . . Jane has come to stand beside her. She turns it over and lets out a gasp of surprise as they find themselves staring at a photograph of Patrick Jane.


	10. Chapter 10

"Do you know these people Jane?"

"No never met them in my life"

"Are you sure?"

"Lisbon I am certain. I never forget anything."

After finding the photograph Lisbon ushered Jane out of the room and into the living room. Jane sat himself on to a hard back chair leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees. Lisbon is standing over him.

"And you haven't been to this house?"

Jane shakes his head.

"So why is there a photo of you here?"

Jane looks up

"I suggest asking the husband."

Lisbon turns and spies Cho in the hallway, she catches his eye and beckons him over.

"Where's the husband?"

"He is next door with a Mr. Jack Clegg. He is waiting to be questioned."

"Okay Jane and I are going to interview him. I want this place thoroughly searched."

"Are we looking for anything in particular."

"Anything to do with Jane."

Cho steals a glance at Jane.

"Jane boss?"

"Yes this murder is definitely about him and we found a torn photograph of him behind the dresser in the bedroom. Jane says he doesn't know these people and has never been to this house."

"Is he alright?"

"It was tough in there for a while but he seems to be holding his own right now. I want to get him back to headquarters as quickly as possible. So once we have finished questioning the husband we will mostly head back there."

"Okay boss."

Jane seems to have shown no interest in their conversation. Lisbon touches his shoulder. He turns towards her.

"C'mon Jane lets go see the husband."

Jane stands up slowly, pulls at his Jacket and follows Lisbon:

"Do you think I could have a cup of tea while we're there."

Lisbon and Jane arrive at the neighbours door, Lisbon rings the bell and Jane rubs his hands down the front of his jacket and looks around him. He sees a pleasant neighbourhood. The people who live here obviously have enough money to be comfortable but are not 'rich'. The houses look well maintained and the paint is refreshed on a regular basis. The kind of neighbourhood that did not expect to be recipients of such evil. Finally a man opens the door. Lisbon shows her card:

"Jack Clegg, my name is Agent Lisbon and this is my colleague Patrick Jane, we would like to see Mr. Poulson please."

"Of course come in."

He steps aside and leads them into a huge living room decorated entirely in white. Mr. Poulson is sat straight up in an easy chair and doesn't seem to register their presence. They walk over to him with Jane keeping behind her. Lisbon shows her badge once more.

"Mr Poulson, my name is Agent Lisbon and this is Patrick Jane, I am sorry for your loss and I know it is a bad time but we need to ask just a few questions."

Dull eyes look up at Lisbon but they quickly change as they land on the sight of Jane. Before Lisbon can stop him he is out of his chair and throwing himself at Jane, who, taken by surprise. falls under his weight. Mr. Poulson is shouting and has Jane by the throat as Lisbon tries to pull him off and regain order. Finally she gets through to him before she has to resort to her gun and handcuffs. He releases his hold of Jane and using Jane's chest as leverage he stands up. Jane scrambles out from in between his legs holding his throat. Lisbon sits Mr. Poulson down and reaches for her phone.

"Rigsby I need to come next door...I know you are but leave that I need you now! Mr. Clegg could you go and let my agent in please."

Jack Clegg nods and heads to the door. She ends the call and goes to Jane to check if he is alright. He is sitting with his arm resting on a bent knee rubbing his neck. He waves away her concern and looks towards Mr. Poulson. . Rigsby enters, surveys the room and looks questioningly at Lisbon.

"Rigsby I need you take Jane out of here."

She turns to Jane:

"Are you alright, or do you need to see a doctor?"

Jane responds in a raspy voice:

"I'm fine, nothing a cup of tea won't cure."

"Okay, go back to the headquarters, Rigsby will take you."

Rigsby helps Jane up off the floor and they leave the house Jane digs in a pocket and takes out his keys:

"I'm fine Rigsby, my car is here so I can drive myself. No need for you to come with me."

"The boss said I had to take you."

"I'll take full responsibility. I will tell her that I distracted you and then got in my car and drove away."

Rigsby doesn't look convinced. They walk a little further and then Jane starts coughing and holding his throat.

"Are you okay."

"Can...you...get me...a drink...of water"

Rigsby heads towards the house but when he hears the sound of a car door closing he realises what has happened he turns around to see Jane driving away.

Lisbon looks sternly at Mr. Poulson.

"You are lucky not to be in handcuffs right now. Why did you attack my consultant?"

"He's a fake! A fake psychic! He ruined my mother's life and took all her money saying he could talk to my father!"

"When was this and what is the name of your mother?

"What does it matter. It's my wife's murder that matters."

"Everything could matter sir. Now when did your mother seek Patrick Jane?"

"It was two years ago. My Dad had been dead for six months. She went to one of his shows with a friend and was so impressed that she called him up and had one on one sessions with him. You wouldn't believe how much he charged to lie to people."

Lisbon decides it is best not to try and defend her consultant as that could only rile the man up more, plus she can't deny what he is saying since Patrick Jane himself confesses to being a fraud. But this is a connection between this man and Jane and Red John brings it full circle.

"What is your mother's name?"

"It's Martha Poulson. She lives in a nursing home in Arizona now."

"Okay if you can let me have her contact details I would appreciate it."

"I still don't see what my mother has to do with anything."

"I know and I will only contact her if it is necessary. Now Mr. Poulson if I can ask you a few questions about tonight. What time did you arrive home?..."

It was almost ten o'clock before the detectives made it back to the CBI. Lisbon had not been pleased to see Rigsby still at the crime scene and maybe one day he won't fall for one of Jane's tricks. Nothing has been found in the search of the house. They enter the bullpen knowing they still have a good three hours work before they can think about going home and getting some sleep. Lisbon notices immediately the absence of Jane and calls to one of the agents still around.

"Ron, has Jane gone home already?"

"Jane? I haven't seen him at all today."

"Have you been here all evening."

"Yes."

Lisbon takes out her phone and calls Jane, and then again and again, but each time she connects only to the answer phone.

"Jane! Where are You!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors notes: I know this is a short chapter even for me, but it seemed the best place to stop. So I hope you will forgive me. I hope you like this. **

Jane tells himself he had every intention of going back to the CBI as instructed by Lisbon but somehow he found himself outside his motel room with no idea how he got there. He parks the car and heads towards his room, he absent mindedly rubs his neck. Opening the door he throws his keys on the dresser and sits down on the bed. He closes his eyes but Angela Poulson immediately forces herself to the forefront of his mind, he quickly opens them. A deep sigh escapes him. He never imagined that someone else would get killed because of him. Red John had researched his victim thoroughly. Not only did she share his wife's first name but her husband had a connection to him. Red John obviously wanted to reiterate the reason for his punishment.

As soon as Poulson had screamed at him about his mother while he was strangling him Jane had known who he meant. She had not been his finest hour. Her husband had died just a few months before she contacted him after attending a show. She missed him fiercely and soaked up every lie Jane told her, each lie costing her hundreds of dollars. She had stopped coming after she was getting low on funds and moved to Arizona to live with her daughter.

Had he ever questioned what he was doing? Had he felt even a twinge of guilt pocketing the cheque? He just kept feeding himself the same old lines of 'giving them hope', 'he was only telling them what they wanted to hear', he was filling a service'. Lisbon should have let Poulson finish the job. He had been a leech all his life. Taking from people whether they had it to give or not - it didn't matter to him. All he wanted was money, fame and adulation.

When doubts would worm their way in like a rivulets of water he would turn to his wife and daughter for vindication. If the two best people in the world could love him as fiercely as they did then he must be alright. Sweet Angela would not give herself to a worthless fraud, cheat, lowlife. But he had been wrong! She had loved the man she saw he could be. Yes she knew his faults but she had faith that her love could eradicate them, did she ever know that it was doing the opposite.

His angel, Charlotte looked at him with faith and worship. She saw only the man who would play with her, sing to her, make up stories with her. Her daddy taller and stronger than she, who always made her feel safe. But she had been wrong. Her daddy toyed with a serial killer, put himself first again, blinding himself from the danger that Angela could see so clearly. Charlotte paid dearly.

Now they were gone, victims of his selfishness. They suffered horrors that he can only imagine - horrors that should have been his. He grabs a pillow and throws it across the room. He sinks to his knees, his face in his hands:

"It should have been me. They were innocent. They shouldn't have paid the price. It should have been me. it should have been me."

Jane is weeping and rocking back and forth on his knees.

When Jane returns to his senses he is lying on the floor. He turns over and looks up at the ceiling. He feels exhausted by his emotions, an empty sack. He wonders if he can just lie there until death over comes him, how long will it take? Will it be painful - he hopes so.

His thoughts turn to Red John and the note. He never thought when he started on this quest that others would be dragged in to it. Never thought there would be others that would pay the price. Would there be more? Perhaps he should give up? He knows he can't. vengeance is why he can take a breath, without it his guilt crushes him, he can't move, his lungs can't inflate, his heart can't beat. The weight of vengeance balances the weight of his guilt. What a man he has become: where there was love there is hate, where there was be joy, there is despair, where there was light, there is darkness.

"Angela save me from this hell. Let me feel your strength. Show me the way to carry on."

A knock.

"Jane open the door."


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors notes: I want to apologise to my readers I have made a mistake in my time line. I put in the summary that it this story is set one year after Jane joins the CBI but I have also hinted that it is the anniversary of the death of his family, so to keep the anniversary, as that is important for his mental state, I have changed the summary to say that it is six months since he joined. Hope you will forgive me. Another challenging chapter hope you like it and that it seems real. **

Lisbon wonders exactly what she is doing here as she approaches Jane's door. She hears a raised voice and quickens her pace. She knocks

"Jane open the door."

There is silence on the other side. She knocks again.

"Come on Jane I know you're in there, are you alright?"

She hears some shuffling and then the door opens and Jane is standing before her. He has a smile plastered on his face but it is a weak attempt, she can see the distress behind it and a redness around the eyes.

"Hi Lisbon, sorry I didn't go back to headquarters but I decided to get some sleep."

"And that's why you didn't answer your phone."

"Well yes!"

"Do you always sleep in your clothes Jane?"

A smile twitches at he corner of his mouth and he shrugs:

"Sometimes. If it's alright with you Lisbon I have had a long day and I would like to get back to sleep."

"No it isn't. Let me in." Lisbon takes a step towards him and Jane opens the door wider and lets her in.

Lisbon watches as Jane follows her into the room and sits down on the bed. The heaviness of his steps. the sadness in his expression are not lost on her. She has never seen Jane like this since he first entered the CBI.

"Jane are you alright?"

"I'm fine, would you like some tea?"

Lisbon shakes her head and they both sit down at the bottom of the bed.

"I talked with Mr. Poulson, he says that his Mother..."

"Yes she did."

Jane stared at her but not before Lisbon saw him look down almost as if he is embarrassed,

"I thought you told me, you didn't know him?"

Jane gives a sigh:

"I don't, I have never seen him before, I put two and two together while he was strangling me and shouting about his mother."

Jane's hand had moved to his neck while speaking. Lisbon sees an ugly red mark.

"We haven't arrested him but if you want to press charges..."

Jane waves his hand:

"Meh, it's no less than I deserve."

Lisbon reaches out and touches Jane's arm and says softly:

"You shouldn't think like that."

Jane turns and looks at her. He sees a face full of concern and his self hatred is repelled by it. Lisbon watches as Jane's expression turns cold.

"I destroy people. I pretended I was helping them, but I was fleecing them of thousands. I destroyed my family, I destroyed Angela Poulson, stick around and I will probably destroy you."

"I'm not that invested in you Jane."

Jane can't help a small smile.

"You didn't destroy your family, Red John did, Nothing you might have done deserves that. And it was him who killed Angela Poulson."

"Because of me!"

"No because Red John is a twisted monster, who needs to be stopped and together we can get him. We need you on this Jane. Red John is taunting you to send you off kilter so you won't be of any use to us. He wants you off this case and you have to ask yourself why."

Jane is staring straight ahead rubbing his right thumb across his fingernail.

"He doesn't want me off the case, he is turning my hunt for him in to a game. He feels that he is the master and that I have become his puppet whose strings he can pull anytime he wants. I don't have any choices anymore, my life is his and more people will pay the price because of it."

He finally looks at her and almost whispers:

"That price may become too high but I can stop it."

Lisbon is horrified as the meaning of his words hits her.

"No Jane. Don't you see, this as been about bringing you to this point. He's been watching you, he has seen how good you are. You have him scared Jane. He's not starting a game, he is trying to end it!"

Jane stares at her intently until Lisbon begins to feel uncomfortable wondering if he can see in to her soul and then she sees a change in Jane's demeanor.

"Well done Lisbon you're right I am good, Red John's scared because there is someone who can catch him. No disrespect to you"

"Of course."

Jane stands up and pulls Lisbon up:

"Shall we get started?"

"Everyone has gone home Jane it's 2 a.m."

Lisbon's mind is in a whirl at the change in Jane.

"Sorry, you go home and get some sleep."

"I'm not sure if I should leave you Jane."

Jane takes Lisbon by the shoulders and looks in to her eyes:

"I'm fine Lisbon, you made me fine, thank you."

He pulls her into a hug which shocks Lisbon and she isn't sure what to do but as Jane tightens his grip she responds by patting his back.

"Um, you're welcome Jane."

Jane draws back and gives her a teasing smile:

"Hugging not your thing Lisbon? I can see I will have to do something about that. Now go home and get some sleep, unless you want to share a bed."

"Jane!"

He winks at her and Lisbon smiles.

"Alright I will see you at the office."

"Ready and able boss."

Jane gives her a salute. Lisbon rolls her eyes and Jane flashes her a smile. He opens the door and Lisbon gives an 'are you sure' look which gets a nod in reply.

"Good night Jane"

"Good night Lisbon and thank you."

Jane watches as she walks towards her car and raises a hand as she drives away. He softly closes the door and turns around walks to the bed and scuffs off his shoes. He lays down on the bed, puts his hands behind his head and stares at the ceiling.

"Thank you Angela. I will find Red John and he will get what he deserves, I promise you and Charlotte, no matter what it costs."


	13. Chapter 13

Lisbon sat down heavily into her chair and switched on the laptop. She'd had a restless night after getting home, worrying about Jane. She had been surprised to find Jane in such a vulnerable state when she went to his motel room. She knew he had been upset about the crime scene but had no idea the depth of his despair. She was thankful that she hadn't listened to the voice telling her that it was stupid to check up on him. He had seemed less fragile when she left but she wasn't sure she should have left him alone. Her fingers were itching to call him but she didn't want to risk waking him. So here she was at work keeping herself busy with paperwork while having one eye on the bullpin. She was giving him until 9 am.

Despite her vigilance the knock at the sound of her door opening still surprised her. There he was the usual smile plastered on his face with a takeaway coffee in his hand and a bag from the local bakery.

"Thought you might be in need of this to wake you up and lots of lovely sugar for energy."

"Hey Jane, good to see you came in."

"Your wish is my command."

"Can I get that in writing?"

"Meh, obedience is overrated, you should rebel against it once in a while Lisbon, it will be good for you."

Lisbon fishes out the bear claw and takes a bite.

"This is enough rebelling for me thank you."

Lisbon studies Jane's face and sees no trace of the despair of the night before, it has been replaced with a lively glint.

"You doing okay Jane?"

"As right as. Now let's go see the others and get this show on the road."

Lisbon cocks her head at him.

"Show on the road?"

"The bus started. The train on the track...

Lisbon hurries out the office before she has to hear any more.

The team discussion reveals no clues left at the crime scene. There isn't even any fingerprints on the photo of Jane.

"So it must have been planted there, if it belonged to one of the Poulsons then their prints would have been on it."

Jane stand up from the couch:

"Good reasoning Cho. Can I take a look at the photo as I was a little distracted when I saw it last night."

"Sure"

Lisbon hands him the photo and Jane lays down on the couch and stares at it intently. The others look at each other, they know they have lost him when he does this but usually he comes back with something case changing.

Lisbon gives Cho and Rigsby orders to find out what Angela was doing in the hours that her husband was away. Lisbon has a meeting with the DA.

She returns to an empty bullpen, she checks the kitchen but there is no sign of Jane. She enters her office digging her phone out of her pocket. She spies a piece of paper on her desk with an apple on top of it. She smiles to herself grabbing the apple with one hand and while taking a bite while putting down her phone and picking up the paper.

'_Checking something out, will call if I get anything otherwise meet me for lunch at Nissa's at 2 pm. The apple is to ease your hunger pains until then. Jane'_

Looking up from reading the note Cho and Rigsby come in to view, she follows them into the bullpen as they put their guns away. Cho motions towards the couch:

"Where's Jane?"

Lisbon waves the note she still has in her hands:

"Apparently checking on something, he doesn't go into details."

"Figures. Wonder if it has something to so with that photograph, he still seems to have it."

Cho waves his hand across his desk indicating that Jane hadn't returned it.

"Possibly. What did you guys find out?"

Rigsby spoke:

"Nothing much boss. According to her diary she was at work the day before her murder, she had meetings with clients and her colleagues confirm that she did go in to work that day. In the evening she had dinner with a couple of old college friends. They shared a taxi home and she was the first one dropped off. They watched her go in to her house and then the taxi took them to their hotel."

"Her friends don't live local?"

"No, they came down from San Francisco and then were leaving the next day.#

"It's strange that she didn't invite them to stay at her house, she had the room and with her husband away to."

"They said that she never invited them to stay at the house."

Cho took up the narrative:

"The day of her death she had some errands to run and then she had a massage at the Portman Spa. They confirmed that she was there. There is no indication what her errands were and she never said anything to her masseuse. She said that Angela was unusually quiet during the procedure."

"Good work. It looks like we need another talk with Mr. Poulson and see if he can shed any light on to why Angela never invited her friends to the house and what her errands were. See Jane is off on his own somewhere and I and it's probably best to keep them as far away from each other as possible, Cho you come with me. Rigsby write up your report and chase down the autopsy findings for me."

"Sure boss."

Jane pulls up in front of the house, he looks at the photo once more and then puts it in to his inside jacket pocket as he is getting out of the car. He locks it up and heads down the drive. He knocks on the door, looking around as he waits for it to be opened. No one is in sight, no one mowing their lawns, weeding the flower beds or washing their cars. Unusual on a beautiful hazy Sunday. It is almost as if they finally recognise the evil that is in their midst and are barricading themselves against it. He hears the door latch moving and turns to find himself staring at a barrel of a gun.

"Enter slowly Mr. Jane I've been waiting for you."


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey no need for the gun I'm unarmed"

"I prefer it this way. Now enter slowly."

Poulson steps aside to let Jane move past.

"Now put your hands up and move to the study, the door on your left."

Jane obeys. Once in the study Poulson pats him down removing his car keys and phone. Poulson pushes him roughly in the back.

"Sit down Mr. Jane."

When Jane is seated Poulson attaches his wrists to the right arm of the chair with handcuffs. Jane sighs:

"They really need to stop selling these in the stores where anyone can buy them."

Poulson hits him across the face.

"I will tell you when to talk Mr. Jane"

Poulson gags Jane with some duck tape.

"Just going to move your car."

While he is gone Jane struggles to reach his pick and curses himself for not putting it in closer pocket. He manages to get a finger to the right place but it is difficult to turn it so it can reach inside. The cuffs are digging into his wrists and he feels a trickle of blood, he closes his eyes trying to concentrate on the task. Finally he reaches it and is slowly pushing it up where he can grab it between two fingers. He feels sweat trickling down his face, just one more push and he should have success. Got it!

Poulson pockets Jane's keys after putting the car in to the garage. He grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge and makes his way to the study. He opens the door and finds himself looking at an empty chair. He spins around madly and rushes to the front door but a voice stops him.

"Don't panic I'm here in the living room."

Poulson takes out his gun and cautiously enters to find Jane sat in an armchair.

"Put that away, I'm not going anywhere. Now let's be civilized, how about a cup of tea."

Jane smiles at Poulson's stunned expression.

"How did you get out of the handcuffs and why are you still here?"

Jane holds up the pick.

"Handcuffs are not the best choice, rope is, surprisingly, harder to get out of, if you tie it right. And I came here to talk to you, like I said, and you have my car."

Jane stands up:

"Now how about that cup of tea."

A bemused Poulson put his gun away and leads him to the kitchen. Jane sits at the table while Poulson starts on the tea.

"So what do you want to talk to me about Mr. Jane?"

"Who is Red John?"

Poulson movements slow.

"What makes you think I know who Red John is.?"

"The torn photograph we found of me has no fingerprints but I recognised it as photo I had taken with your mother. I looked through my files and I was correct. Why would there not be your's or your mother's fingerprints on it. The killer wiped it clean and that means either you or Red John. Although I am certain you are quite capable of killing your wife yourself, the cutting was obviously Red John. Which means you are working for him. Why else would the fingerprints be removed."

Poulson stopped what he was doing as Jane was talking and turned around to look at him.

"That's very clever Mr. Jane. But I don't know who Red John is."

"I can see you are lying. Very few people can lie to me."

Poulson's shoulders sag.

"What is my incentive to tell you who Red John is. Red John is a scary man, you not so much."

"Oh I shouldn't let appearances deceive you Mr. Poulson. I intend to kill Red John so you won't have to worry about him anymore and I won't tell the police about the photograph."

Poulson's face crumbles:

"He threatened my Mom."

"Oh please you didn't have any qualms about him killing your wife, in fact I bet you stood and watched."

"I didn't love my wife I only married her because Red John command, on account of her name."

Poulson could see that he had shocked Jane.

"Well maybe you're not as clever as you think you are?"

Jane gives a small smile:

"My cup of tea."

Poulson finishes making it and places it in front of him. Jane takes a sip and gives a nod of approval.

"You make a nice cup, thank you. Now back to my offer."

"I'm not interested in your offer, only a fool betrays Red John, and I'm no fool."

Jane take another sip, puts his cup down and stands up:

"I gave you the chance, I better be going Agent Lisbon will be wondering where I am."

Poulson removes the gun from his waistband and points it at Jane:

"You're not going anywhere."

Jane puts his hands in his pockets and gives a theatrical sigh.

"You're not going to kill me, Red John will be very upset with you if you do?"

"You really should have left when you had the chance. Now let's make our way back to the study and then I have a phone call to make. Maybe you would like to talk to him."

Poulson points the gun in Jane's face and he turns around and puts his hands up and starts walking down the hallway. Suddenly there is a loud knock at the door followed by a voice Jane recognises.

"Mr. Poulson it's the CBI we would like to talk with you."

"LISBON"

Jane feels an arm around his neck and the gun against his temple as the door violently opens. Lisbon and Cho stand before him with their guns drawn.

"I suggest you put your guns down agents or Mr. Jane is dead."


	15. Chapter 15

Lisbon had kicked the door down at her consultants panic laced shout. As she stands there with her gun drawn staring at Jane being held at gunpoint in front of her, her first thought is:

'What is Jane doing here and how did he get himself into this mess.'

"You can't be left alone for a second can you Jane."

Jane does his best imitation of a shrug that's possible in his situation. Lisbon directs her next remarks to Poulson.

"Mr. Poulson put the gun down slowly and let Jane go. I know you are upset with him but this will not end well for you."

Poulson sneers:

"Whatever way this ends will be fine with me as long as Jane gets hurt in the process."

"Lisbon he works for Red..."

Jane is silenced by the gun being pressed hard in to his throat."

"No one wants to hear from you Mr. Jane."

Lisbon joins in

"hush Jane."

"See."

Lisbon tries again.

"Mr. Poulson, put the gun down, kidnapping a state agent is a serious offence..."

"NO! You put your guns down, Jane and I are going to leave here and you are going to give Jane the keys to your vehicle."

"That's not going to happen Mr. Poulson, just put the gun down and let Jane go."

The gun is pressed so hard against Jane's throat that he is finding it hard to breath and he is certain that his wheezing is bringing his captor perverted pleasure. He wonders about the wisdom of having called Lisbon's name, if he hadn't perhaps he would be heading towards Red John right now. But he didn't want to risk Lisbon walking in on an armed man unawares, so now he was stuck in the middle of a gun stand off. He feels Poulson begin to pull him backwards, he guesses that they are heading back in to the kitchen where the entrance to the garage is situated. To make it easier Poulson tightens his arm around Jane's throat removing the gun, A loud band startles Jane and then he is being pulled backwards to the floor. He realises that Poulson's hold has weakened and he pushes the arm away and is able to turn himself before landing on top of him. He feels Cho grab his arm and pull him totally clear. He finds himself with his back against a wall.

Cho and Lisbon have their guns still trained on the downed man, they check his pulse with no expectation of finding any as Cho's shot to the head had been clean and successful. Lisbon then goes over to Jane and squats in front of him. He is sitting with his legs drawn in, his arms wrapped tightly around them. His face is pale and he is staring at Poulson.

"Are you alright Jane?"

Jane doesn't show any response so she asks again and touches his shoulder. The contact brings him out of his stupor. He nods his head;

"He knew Red John. Red John had him marry Angela just because of her name. He could have told us who he is"

"I'm sorry Jane. Are you alright to stand? Let's get you out of here."

Jane looks himself over:

"I think so."

Lisbon helps him up. Jane turns to Cho:

"What kind of a shot was that. You could have killed me!"

"Never happen. We're not that lucky"

Jane huffs.

Lisbon has watched Jane for the past hour. He has been sitting on his couch staring in to space. She is not used to such stillness from her consultant unless he is laying down. She opens her door and calls him.

"Yes Lisbon"

"Can you come here for a moment."

"I'm busy"

"How is staring in to space for the past hour busy."

"You've been watching me. I feel violated."

"Get in here."

Jane dutifully gets up off the couch and follows Lisbon in to her office. Lisbon sits down on the couch and invites Jane to do the same. Jane points to himself wide-eyed and mouths the word 'Me' Lisbon rolls her eyes pushes the chair opposite her at the table, with her foot for Jane to take that seat. He ignores it and sits on the couch.

"What can I do for you Lisbon?"

"Are you alright Jane?"

"I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"You went through a very traumatic experience and you are not acting like yourself."

"That's very sweet of you but I am fine. I can't say that it was pleasant being held captive or being shot at..."

"Cho was not shooting at you."

"It was close enough. I was a little shaky at first but I'm steady as a rock now."

Jane holds out his hand to prove his point.

"See surgeon hands."

Lisbon smiles. "

I'm glad for you. There's something bothering you Jane. Is it Angela Poulson?"

Jane looks admiringly at her.

"That's very astute of you Lisbon. It does bother me, she thought she was marrying the man of her dreams instead she was signing her own death warrant."

"I hope you're not blaming yourself. Red John is a perverted murderer and you can't hold yourself responsible for what his warped mind comes up with."

Jane gives her a reassuring smile:

"I know, I'm fine, honestly. I appreciate your concern"

Lisbon glances up at her window and see Cho and Rigsby, they open the door:

"Paperwork all done Boss alright if we head home."

"Sure."

"Hey I've been waiting for closed case pizza."

"It's a Red John case Jane we haven't closed it yet."

Rigsby states.

"You saved my life surely that counts."

Lisbon snorts:

"I can't take the calories if we have pizza every time we save your life."

"Well that's an exaggeration Lisbon. That really is a fault of yours..."

Rigsby and Cho leave

"...you should try and be more precise."

"Really."

"Yes"

"I'll work on it."

"Good"

Jane gives her a smile.

"You look tired Lisbon you should call it a night too. How about I get you dinner, to make up for taking your beauty sleep last night."

"Okay sounds good."


	16. Chapter 16

**I know this chapter is very short but it felt to me that it deserved an ad break. So forgive me.**

Jane puts down his knife and fork after finishing his meal and leans back in his seat studying Lisbon. She squirms under his gaze.

"Stop that Jane."

He smiles:

"Stop what?"

"You know what."

He leans forward;

"Ask me Lisbon"

Lisbon caught by surprise tries her best innocent look.

"Ask you what Jane?"

"You have been very patient letting me recover from my (he inserts quote marks) 'ordeal' but I know there is a question the Agent Lisbon wants to ask."

Lisbon begins to object but Jane interrupts.

"There's no use denying it Lisbon, it written all over your face. You haven't wanted to bring work up at dinner, and I commend you for it, but I know that a part of you is always on duty. So go ahead I don't mind. Besides you need to be fully informed before your meeting tomorrow with Minnelli."

Lisbon felt shock, bewilderment and embarrassment consume her.

"How did you know about my meeting with Minnelli?"

Jane leans in closer

"No need to feel embarrassed Lisbon, I don't blame you."

Lisbon tries to recover and answers fiercely

"I'm not embarrassed!"

Jane holds his hands up in surrender

"Okay. Now ask me."

Jane has raised her irritation sufficiently that he wouldn't be able to stop her.

"What were you doing at the Poulson house Jane. You went there on your own after he attacked you, without informing anyone of where you were. It was luck that Cho and I arrived to interview him. It was foolhardy."

Jane leans back once more,

"Now doesn't that feel better."

Lisbon scowls at him.

"Just answer the question Jane."

Jane shrugs

"I knew he worked for Red John."

"And you didn't think that was information you should share with the team."

"Red John is mine."

Lisbon is shocked and moves in close.

"That's stupid Jane. You go after Red John by yourself and you will end up dead."

Jane nods his head.

"A probable outcome, but he killed my wife and child...I have to try."

"But you don't have to do it alone. You are part of a team who can help you and offer you protection."

"To be honest I'm thinking of leaving CBI."

Once again Lisbon is shocked

"What?"

"You heard me"

"Why? why would you leave? Jane how are you going to find him without us?"

Jane shrugs

"I'll manage. I have learnt a lot about detective work from you and I think I will be best on my own."

Lisbon stares at him. A thought suddenly strikes her and Jane sees her eyes darken.

"Poulson told you something. You have a lead and you're going after Red John by yourself. Tell me Jane what did he say?"

"Honest Lisbon he didn't tell me anything. I am no nearer now than I was before the Poulson case."

"Then why are you leaving?"

Jane doesn't answer. Lisbon thinks through the events of the day and an idea slowly dawns on her.

"You chose us over Red John. Poulson was taking you to him when we arrived and you chose to warn us rather than go to Red John. You are beginning to care Patrick Jane!"

Lisbon has the satisfaction of a glimpse of Jane looking uncomfortable before he collects himself. Jane is not happy with the way the conversation as gone, Lisbon is more astute than he gave her credit for.

"That's not it, that's not it at all. Last night I promised myself that no one else was going to be hurt by Red John because of me, today I stopped that from happening and lost my chance at Red John. I don't want that to happen again."

Jane watches while Lisbon chews over his statement.

"No Jane."

"What?"

"I'm not buying it. Sure you called out so we wouldn't get hurt but not because of any promise but because you care. If you don't want to admit that to yourself then that's fine but you're not leaving the CBI to go off on some ill fated hunt all by yourself. The past six months have shown you that together we are a formidable team and together we can catch him."

"You're right."

"I am?"

"Yes. I will stay with the team Lisbon, thank you for asking."


	17. Chapter 17

Lisbon throws back the sheets and climbs in to bed. She shakes her head once again at the enigma that is Patrick Jane. Since parting company after dinner she has experienced a smorgasboard of emotions concerning her consultant. Was their entire conversation a manipulation on Jane's part to stay in her team. And if it was, what does that mean? She thought about the hours in his motel room talking him back from the brink of self destruction. Red John had treated him cruelly on the day of the anniversary of his family's death. She had thought that the Jane who came to her office six months ago had gone and been replaced by an arrogant monster. Now she realised that he isn't far away, he is underneath a man still struggling with his loss and all the pain and suffering that goes with it. He has built himself a thin, brittle mask to hide his real self from prying eyes. Working at the CBI is giving him the opportunity to do that. It gives him a purpose other than revenging the death of his family. Obviously he recognises it on some level or he wouldn't have manipulated her to stay on the team. She finds after her initial reaction of anger at being played and threatening to let him go, she doesn't mind the manipulation because of what it taught her. Patrick Jane wants to stay.

The question is now, does she want him to stay. He is going to be trouble, nothing is going to change that. She will have to put up with annoyed members of the public, fellow police officers, DA's office and politicians. No-one is hands off to Jane. She will have to keep a close eye on him at all times to make sure he doesn't break any laws and behave in ways to the detriment of the investigations. Lisbon is realistic and knows that she will not be successful all the time, that at some point he will go overboard and damage limitation is the best she can hope to achieve. Chances are she could one day lose her job because of something he does.

But! He closes cases. He has a mind the likes of which she has never encountered before. His reading of people, situations and cases are spot on ninety nine percent of the time. With him on board a lot of guess work is eliminated. He is fun to have around. He entertains with his party tricks. Despite his arrogance he can be surprisingly nice and occasionally surprise you with silly gifts. And then there is the fact that he needs us. He is healing very slowly and we may be his only chance of becoming whole once more. Her last thought as she goes to sleep is that she must cancel her meeting with Minnelli tomorrow.

"Hi Angela. I was so close today. I met someone who knew Red John, he was even about to take me too him, admittedly at the point of a gun, but any way works. But then a couple of my colleagues arrived and I shouted a warning, I'm not sure why but I couldn't let them walk in to an armed situation unawares. They killed my lead. I'm sorry I let you down.

I knew that Lisbon was going to tell Minnelli that she didn't want me on the team anymore and all afternoon as I was laying on my couch at the office and I was considering letting her do that. Maybe it was the best thing in the long run as it seemed they could get in the way. But then I wouldn't have had the lead in the first place if it wasn't for my job.

Another thing is Red John seems to have made me a target because of my work with the CBI. That will probably end if I leave. Right now I have him worried and it will eventually lead him to making a mistake. It felt so good today being so close and I will get there again. Maybe more people will die at his hands because of me but I just have to accept that. If I leave he will still keep on killing, it won't stop innocents dying.

I concluded that it is best for me to stay with the CBI. I hatched a plan, and you should have seen the number I did on Agent Lisbon. I had her begging me to stay. Unfortunately she did see through the ruse and threatened to fire me anyway but I'm sure she won't. She has one flaw and that is that she cares. She tries to be tough but it's there, as clear as day, in those green eyes of hers. You know there is a card trick I think she will like. Good night Angela, kisses to Charlotte.

**Authors notes: That's the end I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed the challenge of writing a Jane we can only guess at. I would have liked to write more details of Jane's feeling about his relationship with Lisbon, especially with what happened in the motel room but I felt that at this stage Jane wouldn't admit such things to himself - not even future friendship - just yet, it would all be about Red John! Thanks for all reviews, follows and favourites, always, always appreciated. **


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